Funny Birthday Wishes
The problem with most funny birthday lists is that the jokes have been in circulation since fax machines. Everyone has received the one about the candles costing more than the cake. These ten are new, written for this site, and pitched at the register that works between people who actually like each other: affectionate, dry, slightly rude.
10 Funny Birthday Wishes
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Happy birthday. You've now been alive long enough to be suspicious of anyone with a lot of energy.
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Another year older, another year closer to the age where you can say anything you like in public. Nearly there.
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Happy birthday. You look great — genuinely — which makes the rest of us look badly organised.
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Congratulations on completing another lap. Nobody's timing it, but you're doing fine.
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Happy birthday to someone who has started saying "we'll see how I feel on the day" about literally every invitation.
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Many happy returns, and a formal apology for the gift, which was chosen in a hurry at approximately 4pm yesterday.
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Happy birthday. At this point your body is less a temple and more a building with listed status.
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You're not getting older, you're just accumulating an increasingly detailed opinion about mattresses. Happy birthday.
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Happy birthday. I was going to make a joke about your age, but I'd like to be invited back.
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Another year, and you're still the funniest person in the group chat, which is why I never mind losing to you.
Making Sure a Joke Lands
Three quick checks before you send it. Who's it from? Age jokes work between peers and misfire from anyone much younger. Who's reading it? A group card gets read by everyone, including people who don't know the joke. How's their year been? A hard twelve months makes even gentle teasing feel careless — the heartfelt collection is a better bet.
The reliable formula is a joke followed by one sincere line. The joke gets the laugh; the sincere line is what they keep.
Related collections
Questions
Are these safe for a work card?
Numbers 5 and 6 are. The rest are better kept for friends and family — try professional wishes for the office.
What if the joke doesn't land?
Follow up with something warm. Nobody stays annoyed about a birthday message that came with obvious affection behind it.